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Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk. I've done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!

Mr. Plow

Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
  • How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
  • Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
  • A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.

Duffless

Jesus must be spinning in his grave! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story."

The Last Temptation of Homer

I'll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about! I was saying "Boo-urns."
  1. Save me, Jeebus.
  2. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird," and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
  3. Please do not offer my god a peanut.
  4. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.

Image courtesy : AndroidCentral.com

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